thinking, thinking, thinking. Smoke. Fizzle. …………

Posted on: October 7, 2009

Soooooooooo, I shouldn’t be sitting here with a box of chip ahoy cookies, right? Well, technically I’m not. Because they are in a plastic bag. And half gone. Gone to my stomach. Where they will most likely throw down their roots and hang out for a couple decades. Oh wait. This is suppose to be uplifting. Uplifting, heh what a funny word. I wish my boobs were more uplifting. I wish my A$$ was more uplifted. I know.. maybe I should take the stairs tomorrow like I always do because TAKING THE STAIRS IS HEALTHIER unless of course you tumble down them (I can attest to this)  and maybe I should park realllly realllly far away at the grocery store. Yeah, that’s more likely going to deter me from going for a donut at Albertsons (you didn’t hear it here, but they are the BEST chocolated glazed donuts in TOWN!)

So class, what have we learned?

  1. Take the stairs.
  2. Never sit down with temptation (even though technically chips ahoy cookies do nada for me, but they are edible and I do like putting edible gunky junky things in my mouth for some undetermined reason)
  3. Liken Albertsons donuts to the devil. Devil=no good. Albertsons donuts= SOO good but really not good for your soul. Or hips. What a rotten analogy.
  4. It’s good to park far away in a parking lot. By the time that annoying completely-capable-and-healthy lady (you know the type) that just has to park at the nearest un-handicapped spot has finally found said parking spot, you will already be strolling out of the store and back to your car parked in the egypt end of the parking lot. Hopefully without donuts. And hopefully without donuts because you didn’t even go to the bakery display and gobble down the donut before you even made it to the ever loved, non-judgemental self-check out. That brings me to…
  5. Do not go to self-check out. You will be more likely to buy crappy things because there is no hot barely legal clerk checking you out (no pun intended. Unless of course you think I’m cute, too [I believe you can look up my number through the customer loyalty system?]) Everyone knows self check outs were invented to prevent pregnancy, help shy girls through puberty, and further obesity. Where else do you buy condoms, tampons, or donuts?

I hope you think about these things…

TigerFIT adjourned.

And I’m throwing these damn cookies away (read: in the back of the cupboard after I carefully wrap them in Ziplocks for another date with danger/mindless eating binges.)


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